Talk:Revenge of the Phineas
Opinions? What do you guys think so far? [[User:NotAGothChick101|'NotAGothChick101']]Please don't jump. 22:58, May 23, 2011 (UTC) Nice thanx for using my idea- [[User:TotalDramaRox97|'TotalDramaRox97']] ''Doofenshmirtz is going down'' 22:58, May 23, 2011 (UTC) No problem. ;) [[User:NotAGothChick101|'NotAGothChick101']]Please don't jump. 23:00, May 23, 2011 (UTC) Off to a great start :) - We hope you've enjoyed your audio tour of....FOSSILS!!! Da Da Da!!!! (talk) 23:07, May 23, 2011 (UTC) Thanks! I'm working on it now. :) [[User:NotAGothChick101|'NotAGothChick101']]Please don't jump. 23:09, May 23, 2011 (UTC) <3 the Lion King 2 nightmare. - [[User:Fossils|'The Fossy has spoken.']] [[User Talk:FossilsDaDaDa|''Call me, beep me, if you wanna reach me.]] 05:21, June 6, 2011 (UTC) Really? Thanks! What did you think of the end of it? (That was the one part that was more original I guess...) And...very curious...what do you like about the scene? [[User:NotAGothChick101|'Candace: And how many busting attempts have failed?]]Stacy: ...OVER 9000!!! 15:12, June 6, 2011 (UTC) The ending was the best, so sad but beautiful :) I like it cuz...well, it's clever! And the LK2-ness really fits! - [[User:Fossils|'''The Fossy has spoken.]] [[User Talk:FossilsDaDaDa|''Call me, beep me, if you wanna reach me.]] 22:06, June 7, 2011 (UTC) Thanks! How does it fit? [[User:NotAGothChick101|'So you've discovered your pet is a secret age-- ]] I don't want your pamphlet! 22:44, June 7, 2011 (UTC) I'm stuck I don't know what to type next. The last thing I wrote was: "Now, I must train you to fight with a lightsaber. When you are ready, I can begin my conquest!" What now? :/ :( [[User:NotAGothChick101|'''Candace: And how many busting attempts have failed?]]Stacy: ...OVER 9000!!! 16:16, June 5, 2011 (UTC) Well? Well? What do you guys think? It's very short, unfortunately...oh well. [[User:NotAGothChick101|'Gotta stick to the plan ']] Cuz there's NO PLAN B! 16:34, June 19, 2011 (UTC) The Disney Death I really think I should change the Disney Death again. Here are my thoughts: Phineas's death happens too sudden and is a bit odd. Alt Phin attacks his mind and messes with something in it, and Phin almost immediately shuts down. What?!?!?!?!?! I want it to be slower and add more drama and emotion to it I guess. And...Phin doesn't show any signs of feeling weak when he suddenly wakes up...this doesn't seem to make much sense either. Can I please have some help with this? Thanks! [[User:NotAGothChick101|'Alem:' Wow, we make a great team. ]][[User talk:NotAGothChick101| Candace: Yes, yes we do.]] 00:30, July 21, 2011 (UTC) New Version of Scene Current version: Ferb carefully climbed up the rope and onto the platform. He jumped onto another platform above him, and then jumped onto the one he had been standing on before he had been knocked down. He saw Phineas, who was still lying on the ground, not moving a muscle or showing any sign of life at all. Had Alt Phineas done something dreadful to his mind? Ferb ran over to his brother and got down on his knees. He lifted his brother's head with his arms. "Phineas?" Phineas didn't even move. Please be alright, please be alright, please be alright... Ferb thought over and over. But Phineas still didnothing. Ferb checked for a pulse. Nothing. Just cold skin. He couldn't believe it. Phineas was gone. It's all my fault, ''Ferb thought despairingly. ''If I had been a better friend, none of this would've happened. It's like in my dream. Let's see...Alternate Phineas harmed him, and tried to harm me, but failed. And now Phineas is...is...I think I'm understanding it now. What did Phineas say to me before I woke up? Ferb thought hard, trying to remember. Then it came back to him: "You can revive me...with a brother's love..." I don't understand, thought Ferb. If I stay here with him and show just how much I care about him, would that bring him back? It doesn't make much sense, but I'll give it a try. And if it doesn't work--at least I tried to save him... So Ferb sat there, supporting his brother's lifeless body with his arms, crying hard for his brother, his best friend, who he wasn't sure he'd ever see again. A long time later, he heard a voice. "F-Ferb?" the voice said weakly. Ferb opened his eyes--and saw his brother staring back at him. "Phineas!" Phineas carefully lowered himself to the ground, and kneeled down facing Ferb. He examined himself and saw that he was finally back to normal. "I'm so sorry!" said Phineas. "I got us into this mess. I shouldn't have run away. Now look what's happened! We both could've died, and I think I almost did. My alternate self was horrible to me! Now I'm bruised, exhausted, and starving. And I missed you a ton. I've been so overwhelmed. If you hadn't come in time, I would've lost it completely." Phineas sounded like he was choking up as he spoke. When he finished, he turned his head away. Ferb raised an eyebrow. "I-I'm fine," said Phineas, not really glancing at Ferb. He sounded like he was going to cry. "You don't sound fine," Ferb said quietly. Phineas sniffed, then he threw his arms around his brother and sobbed heavily. Ferb hugged him and patted his back, trying to make him feel better. "It's okay, mate," he said quietly. New version: Ferb carefully climbed up the rope and onto the platform. He jumped onto another platform above him, and then jumped onto the one he had been standing on before he had been knocked down. He saw Phineas, who was still lying on the ground. The only indication that he was still alive was his slow breathing. Ferb ran over to him, got down on his knees, and lifted his brother's head in his arms. "Phineas..." Phineas opened his eyes half way, and stared up at him, a weary expression on his face. "I-I'm sorry...Ferb..." he said. "F-for everything." "It wasn't your fault," said Ferb. "I was never mad at you. I should've just told you that. And I'm terribly sorry I wasn't a better friend." "It-it's ok..." said Phineas. "It-it'll be alright. J-just leave me now." Ferb looked confused. "Leave you? Why?" Phineas's eyes were filled with sadness. "My alternate self did horrible damage to me. Not just emotionally, but both physically and even mentally. I-I don't think...I'll...survive..." Ferb's eyes widened in horror. His nightmare was coming true! As Phineas's breathing became shallower, Ferb's eyes began to fill with tears. "No...y-you're my best friend. I won't let it end this way!" he said. "You're my best friend too..." Phineas said, very weakly. "I'm...I'm sorry...that it has...to end...this way..." Ferb looked him right in the eyes. "Don't die..." he begged. "I...don't...h-have...much...ch-choice..." Phineas said. He forced a weak smile. "At least...I can...l-leave...kn-knowing that...you cared...th-that I still had a friend. Thank you Ferb. Thank you. Tell everyone that...I-I love them all...a-a-and that...I-I'm sorry..." And with that, Phineas exhaled...and stopped breathing altogether. Ferb felt his brother's skin get colder and colder. "No..." he whispered. He checked for a pulse. Nothing. He couldn't believe it. Phineas was gone. "No!" he said, pulling Phineas's body into a tight embrace. He broke down into sobs, and shook his head, not believing it would end like this. After a while, he had quieted a bit, but not much. All of the sudden, Phineas's last words in his nightmare came back to him. "You can revive me...with a brother's love..." I just don't get it, Ferb thought. What am I supposed to do? Show how much I care about him? "P-please..." Ferb whispered. "P-please...come back to me. You were the best friend I ever had. I couldn't possibly go on without you. And what's worse, I have to deal with guilt, because it's all my fault that this happened. If I could have another chance, I'd take it without hesitation. Please, Phineas, come back. Please." Ferb continued to mourn--until he suddenly felt Phineas's body become warmer. He checked for a pulse. It was there! Ferb's eyes widened, and he began to feel hopeful. Maybe he'd get another chance after all! Ferb kept Phineas in his tight embrace, tears still streaming down his face, but he was no longer grieving. Soon, Phineas was breathing again. After a long time, Phineas turned his head a little, and blinked his eyes open. "F-Ferb?" he said weakly. "Phineas!" said Ferb, feeling very relieved. Phineas carefully lowered himself to the ground, and kneeled down facing Ferb. He examined himself, and realized that he was indeed himself again. "I'm really sorry for running away," said Phineas. "Now look what's happened! I was killed, and you could've been too. I'm not sure how I came back, but I'm glad I did. Oh, and my alternate self was horrible to me! Now I'm bruised, exhausted, and starving. I've been really overwhelmed. If you hadn't come in time, I would've lost my mind." Phineas sounded like he was choking up as he spoke. When he finished, he turned his head away. Ferb raised an eyebrow. "I-I'm fine," said Phineas, not really glancing at Ferb. He sounded like he was going to cry. "You don't sound fine," Ferb said quietly. Phineas sniffed, then he threw his arms around his brother and sobbed heavily. Ferb hugged him and patted his back, trying to make him feel better. "It's okay, mate," he said quietly. What do you think of the new version? Should I add it? Please be nice, cuz that took a while to write... --Goth [[User talk:NotAGothChick101| What makes you stop and smell the roses in an open field?]] 16:21, July 27, 2011 (UTC) Oh man....I love it. - [[User:Fossils|'The Fossy has spoken.']] [[User Talk:FossilsDaDaDa|''Call me, beep me, if you wanna reach me.]] 21:20, July 29, 2011 (UTC) Thanks! I'll add it when I can. Anything I should change? (To me the scene is very unlogical...) How dare you bring light into my lair! YOU MUST DIE! 22:35, July 29, 2011 (UTC) Change the dialogue in the scene after he wakes up. That's what I would do if I were you. - [[User:Fossils|'The Fossy has spoken.]] [[User Talk:FossilsDaDaDa|''Call me, beep me, if you wanna reach me.]] 22:40, July 29, 2011 (UTC) What am I supposed to change? I'm lost... Btw, how's my new sig? How dare you bring light into my lair! YOU MUST DIE! 22:48, July 29, 2011 (UTC) I could change it tomorrow maybe, but I don't have any ideas...:P How dare you bring light into my lair! YOU MUST DIE! 02:47, July 30, 2011 (UTC) Problems 1. I still can't figure out how to fix the green parts. :( 2. In the "Disney Death scene" (as we call it), what happens to Phin doesn't seem right to me. Sure, Alt Phin messing with his head could've made him shut down, but it still doesn't seem to work for me. Should I add Alt Phin giving him a really bad wound or something? :P I ''really need input... Sapphira Adi, dance with me! User talk:NotAGothChick101 20:15, September 4, 2011 (UTC) And...is there anything else I should improve? If so, how? --Goth (I don't want to try that screwy signature again :P) And one more thing: how can I improve the entire Disney Death scene? I don't like everything I wrote there... --Mara/Goth What don't you like? And at the question before, I think you should keep that sentence. "Age is mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."-Mark Twain 17:39, September 5, 2011 (UTC) I dunno. I guess I feel like I kinda failed at some of Phin's dialogue...let me read over it again. And okay, thanks! And is there anything else I can improve? I want to make this fic as good as possible. Hmmm...I wonder what kind of accident Phin caused...that'll be the hardest part. :P --Mara/Goth Phin's dialogue is pretty good. And the story is already very good. At the accident part, I still don't have ideas, but maybe the cause of the accident was one of his invention, maybe he pushed a wrong button a created a bad situation, like a car crash or something. "Age is mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."-Mark Twain 17:58, September 5, 2011 (UTC) Thanks. The one part I don't like is: "My alternate self did horrible damage to me. Not just emotionally, but both physically and even mentally." And I'll have to talk the accident over with someone. Thanks for the suggestion! --Goth Yeah, that sentence isn't that good, it sounds like a robot is telling it. And emotionally and mentally means almost the same thing for me. "I've learnt that some persons like my alternate self can do horrible things to others, not only physically, but mentally as well." The part with "not only physically, but mentally as well" I took from Fear Factor xD "Age is mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."-Mark Twain 18:09, September 5, 2011 (UTC) I dunno what that is...but thanks. But how does that fit with the line after that ("I-I don't think I'll survive")? --Goth It's a TV show. "I-I don't think I'll survive... But I've learnt that some persons like my alternate self can do horrible things to others like me, not only physically, but mentally as well. I learnt it on my self, and now it's too late. Too lat..." Whadda' ya' think? "Age is mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."-Mark Twain 18:15, September 5, 2011 (UTC) I like it! But from the way it goes...should I cut some dialogue? --Goth Thanks :D Well, yeah, I think you should cut some dialogue, I mean Phin is dying, not talking at a tea-party(xD) "Age is mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."-Mark Twain 09:03, September 6, 2011 (UTC) Haha I LOL-ed at the "tea-paty" thing! Anyway, okay, I have some re-editing to do. Thanks! ;) --Goth How is it now? --Goth It's better :) "Age is mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."-Mark Twain 08:57, September 7, 2011 (UTC) Thanks. :) Anything else I can improve? --Goth I still need to rewrite the beginning. I think PnF build something in the beginning, but then something goes wrong and causes a big accident, which makes all the other kids mad and Phin feels responsible for it. I really need help with the details... --Goth Ugh I'm about ready to give up...but I don't wanna! I really wanna fix this story, but I can't do it without help. T_T --Goth I can try. Come on chat next time I'm on, we can disucuss it there. - [[User:FossilsDaDaDa|'''The Fossy has spoken.]] ''Call me, beep me, if you wanna reach me.'' 13:04, September 15, 2011 (UTC) Yay! I think it's fixed now! :D It makes much more sense, and has a much better description of what happened. --Goth Tropes section Is there a trope for Phin and Alt Phin being in the same body? Just curious. --Goth Dimension? I have a question: Is that Phineas Flynn-2 or a lookalike? Because I find it a little weird. -Shut up! I says, SHUT UP! (talk) 10:35, March 15, 2016 (UTC)